Reflections #2
8x6in oil on canvas panel SOLD
Artist Note.
This one should be labeled number 6.
I did 5 - yep 5, wipe-offs.
Much nashing and moaning.
Something is wrong...
I paint and I enjoy the act of painting,
but do not like the end result AT ALL!
I cannot "see" clearly what I have done.
I also have no emotional response and
I am wiping off what may not be
as bad as I think.
It is not what I would call a block
because I can't wait to paint,
but I am in a weird place of not liking
the end result of anything I paint.
It is rather unusual for me and I am
wondering if any of you
have experienced a similar
situation? If so, it would be great if
you wouldn't mind sharing it with me.
Oh yes Julie, it happens a LOT to me. I just keep at it. But if you feel you need to wipe it down, there must be something you are not satisfied with. I think this is a normal part of the process, struggle makes us better. Then your gut instincts will lead you back to the where you would like to be.
ReplyDeleteReflection #2 is beautifully painted!
Thanks for that, Celia, but I have always had wipe-offs when something is not meeting my goal. Something is different this time, and it goes beyond that...and it has been going on for a while.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that struggle makes us better and a friend said it meant I was ready for the next level - BUT how to survive it?
Truly grateful for letting me know it happens to you too.
Hi Julie! This painting is one of my favorite, so it just goes to say.. Awesome really!
ReplyDeletePersonnaly I'm often dissatisfied with my work lately and the only thing that works for me is to put my painting aside hidden in a closet for a few days.
I think I'm due for a real change, something new. Maybe I'll try more abstraction. I've done a few paintings a while ago and it was pretty exciting . Change something and see where it leads! Good luck!
You are spot on, Helen, when you use the word CHANGE.
DeleteAnd of course it is what I resist the most when I like the place I am at. This goes for anything in my life. I have moved more than 30 times and no, I am not a military wife! So change also presents, by experience, good things. I know this - I guess the trust is missing, Also change has usually been influenced by the husband's job and "go with the flow" was the best way to be flexible. This is all "me" though and I must be resisting big time without being aware of it.
I remember your abstract series - a neat fish in bowl comes to mind and I remember liking it a lot. So maybe I will try doing some abstract.
Thanks so much for your input and reassurance, Helen.
Must be in the air, Julie! I have the same problem at the moment...I draw and draw and erase and start again and nothing is like what I want it to be...My motto is draw and paint everyday but... it is difficult to fight the feeling that something is not right... And sooo easy to stop all the process...
ReplyDeleteYour friend must be right, something beautiful will emerge after all your trials!
How interesting that you are feeling the same way, Martine. I Laughed at "Must be in the air!" I am painting and drawing every day and will continue
Deleteto do so...I just want to at least relate to what I am putting out.
Thanks so much for sharing.
While I do not have nearly the level of experience you do Julie, and feel unqualified to answer here, I have experienced the same thing before and more than once. It always passes and I have no clue what it means. I do know that what I have done about it is to really listen to my mood...what do I REALLY feel like painting. A face? A chair? or do I just want to sketch with a simple pencil? When I do what I feel like doing, there is less fight. I still may not like any results...but pushing forward seems to be the key. Looking at art I love always seems to inspire as well and I think it's because it inspires new ideas OR it reminds me of old ideas about painting.
ReplyDeleteI like what your friend said about being ready for the next level. However, I cannot imagine your art being any better than what it is. Your art is just so darn good. This painting is lovely. It has a lot of energy in it!
I hope you get to a contented place with painting soon! I just know you are going to. xoxo
If YOU, sweet Lisa, have experienced it with your lovely ray of sunshine and warmth which emanates from your very being - then I know I just have to keep pushing thru whatever it is. Even looking at the art I love though, has me thinking "why did I used to like this so much? I am even talking about Picasso's Blue period and I have always adored most of that. At least I know I will be getting out of it when I read so many really good understand apparently only too well. This is therapeutic for sure. Thanks dear friend.
DeleteWe are in the same place right now, Julie, and I have been here before. When this happens, I'll step back and either stay away from painting altogether and do other creative activities, or pull out another medium and use that. An artist acquaintance of mine says when this happens, "get ready for a breakthrough." And the last time it happened to me, she was right.
ReplyDeleteThis time, I have been struggling since February. I saw it coming in the quality of my painting. During this time, I had also been attempting (again and again and again) a portrait commission and my confidence was rattled to the core. Thankfully, it was for a family member who is willing to wait. You just finished a huge commission; maybe you're burned out and need some "Julie-time." You're human - not a machine.
As for the blog, posting other art related entries really takes the pressure off of producing a "product." This week, I will try painting again and I will paint for "process" - for me, without the panic I was beginning to feel.
In your case, Julie, you can add this episode to one of your "personal discoveries in art," and write about it when you're over the hump. That time will come. Just remember you are not alone.
You know you might have hit the nail on the head, Chris...the commission!
DeleteI felt it had sucked me dry because of all the many hours I put into it since the start of the year but because the outcome was so well received it added a glow of success to my inner self...but you have me thinking. The combination of the stress of teaching and keeping up the blog. ...Because this didn't happen as I was painting it I had not put the two things together in the same way as you did. Clever gal!
I send you my very warmest wishes for short duration of your dry spell and
no more commissions!
Many Thanks too!
Oh Julie I feel it. There is something that happens at my core where I question what I am doing. For me, I wonder if I am capable of "getting it". Time has been the answer and sometimes slowing down and not painting is part of the solution. When I lose the spark, excitement and all inspiration it is a sad time but nothing can take away my art spirit. I end up painting and sometimes feverishly following my down time. It is an emotional thing and being burned out is part of the process...at least for me. You are a wonderfully talented and generous artist...take your time.
ReplyDeleteIf I know it will come back I can handle it....I am encouraged by all the comments coming from really productive artists. You mentioned your "core" and that is a good description because I recognize that is where I am feeling it. I still have a spark to paint...not lost that, it is the end result that is different. I do not know if I could stop painting though because the actual act of putting brush to canvas or paper is what I am all about. I am aimless otherwise. I understand the feverish part too. Sometimes I have it more than others. With others experiencing something similar one could think maybe its the universe and all what is going on?????
DeleteThanks so much, Kaethe. I appreciate you being so open and love the warm fuzzy too.
Julie, For the next two weeks, don't wipe them, keep them! Mark the backside to show which side is 'up.' Put them out of sight, out of mind. When you get them out after two weeks, don't look at them before placing them facing out, upside down in a row. Then use a mirror to look at all of them (maybe with the red filter first). I'll bet some commonality jumps out at you. If not, ask other people. Bottom line, if you don't keep them for a while, you may not be able to pinpoint what's wrong with them (it's not what's wrong with you). Karen Rodgers
ReplyDeleteHi Karen, thanks for the sound and practical advice. I will try it and let you know how it goes. I need a stash of canvases if I cannot reuse the wipers.
DeleteI hope this doesn't go on for two weeks though.
I always have wipers so it will be an interesting project. I will report back.
I am touched you would help. HOPE YOU ARE PAINTING!
wow, there are some great thoughts here...
ReplyDeletei've been feeling like this for a couple of months... it's not 'blocked', it's not 'a dry spell', it's something completely new - and very unsettling. of course we know that we just keep going and everything passes, but there's a quality about what i'm feeling now that makes me wonder if that's the case in this instance. maybe because what i feel is so *different* i think it means more than it does - i don't know!
now absolutely nothing pleases me. it all feels bleh, old, off, etc., etc.... i've tried different surfaces, different mediums, different sizes - all bleh!
thank you for sharing your thoughts, julie... i do feel better now knowing i'm not alone. : )
xoxo
YOU, dear Lynne, have got EXACTLY what I have. I can tell you understand completely. It is something completely different from anything I have experienced before so my biggest fear is that my genuine passion for painting is over...
DeleteI was thinking you were not posting because of your arm, but I guess it runs deeper. I understand your situation and I really hope for both of us things get better pretty soon. Just exchanging all the ideas and knowing others have had the experience also, helps.
You give me hope that if you survive this - I will too. Lets keep in touch,
Thanks for much, Lynne.
Yes. What I like to do is just set aside paintings that I suspect may not be as bad as I think they are, so I can look at them again, after some time.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Jean...It will be hard to stop 'wiping" but I am going to certainly try.
DeleteHard to believe you have wipers too. Thanks for sharing that.
My problem is the total lack of internal response to anything I am painting.
Never happened before and I have previously experienced an artist block.
So nice of you to comment. Thanks, Jean.
It's a long story, but I had a painting partially finished one...a figure on the left, a falcon on a limb on the right and NO background to be had. Furious! I painted the background the most hideous pepto bismol pink I could make and refused to look at it. Maybe 5 years later suddenly I remembered it, found it, and the background (really the environment) materialized immediately and was painted in moments. And the painting was literally my life in front of me. A profound thing. Maybe some things need time, space, or sometimes "being oneself" to emerge. We won't desert you, no matter what you paint!!1
ReplyDeletePepto Bismo Pink!! Love the story and thanks for sharing it. Melle my dear, you made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are sharing and with the help of all the suggestions I am gathering I am starting to feel hope. I am going to paint my next painting with some PBP. Thanks so much.
You are not alone Julie, many times I have the same feelings about my work and I can understand you very well. You are very talented artist and this painting for me is very beautifully painted, just and take your time and remember that we are humans and not machines. Big hug and all to the best !!!
ReplyDeleteHi Stelio, thanks for taking the time to share your own feelings.
DeleteI am amazed at how many artists experience similar ones. It is not exactly a block but definitely a scary state to be in. Thanks for the big hug...nice!
This is just so pretty, Julie. I wish I could help but my process from start to finish is knowing out the gate that I won't like the end result. I never manage to get on paper what my vision was to start.
ReplyDeleteHi Sherry - who can capture what they see? I agree we all try, but don't sell yourself short. It is the personal vision and emotion which translates into good art. All levels are capable of this. Thanks for commenting. Hope life is good for you.
DeleteJulie-
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are having a hard time with something that you love so much. Everyone else has given such good advice that I doubt that I can add anything new. But maybe this will help? When other areas of my life are in trouble, out of whack, than my painting generally does not satisfy me. I find that if I work on the other areas (my emotions, health family troubles or whatever psychological problems arise) then my feelings about my work generally improve. It's as if my other problems prevent me from seeing a way forward, even if that way involves changing subject matter or style. When things are wrong in general (and sometimes you have to look hard here and be honest), then nothing connected with my art seems right. Just a thought.
Keep moving forward and reassessing. You will be OK:)
Libby
What you say makes sense, Libby, I have experienced that several times, but the difference is I feel I am back on a HAPPY track after going through a terrible year. Maybe a delayed reaction? I have not thought of that. I feel happy in my personal life but frightened about my art...or lack of it.
DeleteWhen I had a block when I was an illustrator I had to work through it to put the bread and butter on the table, so I am a believer in turning up at the easel.I always managed to pull the assignment off. I am turning up at the easel with a happy heart and slap me down and call me dumbo...its like I never painted before.
I am going to be following the advice so far so I will definitely keep moving forward and assessing. thanks, Libby.
I had this same experience for 5-6 months last year. Hated everything I turned out. Wiped, wiped, wiped. Finally, I started doing some work I liked! I decided, I had raised my expectations and my painting was finally meeting my expectations, but that really doesn't explain why I would look at paintings I did 20 years ago and wonder at what I had loss. The scary part, it's starting to happen again!
ReplyDeleteYikes - 5-6 months!!! How awful for you and the only good things about this sharing is that I could not tell it from your art. ALSO...it finally did pass.
DeleteWhen you started to like your work again was it because you tried something different? If there are signs it could be starting again... can you you head it off at the pass now you are aware? I agree it is scary. Send warmest thanks for sharing.
Hi Julie, I have just been catching up on your blog and am sorry to hear that you are going through this strange, unsettling time with your art.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you simply need a holiday? Sometimes getting away from everything allows us to see the familiar with a fresh perspective and re-sets our emotional equilibrium. Of course if you HAVE recently been on a holiday it will prove that I haven't a clue what I'm talking about!
Despite the teeth gnashing and hand wringing, your finished piece looks lovely!
I hope things improve for you soon.
Hi Wendy - the weird part about this is that I am happy in work and home. Thats why it doesn't make sense.The hard year is over and life is good. I love to paint but I "feel" like a second grader with what I am turning out.. I know that I am more advanced than that, but what I am saying is I Can't "see" it... can't "feel" it. It is weird for sure.
DeleteI am getting away for the Easter weekend, maybe your theory will be right.
Thanks for helping Wendy.
Hi, Julie. Your dissatisfaction with your painting may have nothing to do with your painting...except that it isn't currently making you happy. Maybe something is missing in another area, and painting is not filling the void. Just a thought. I'll pray that you find the answer.
ReplyDeleteInteresting viewpoint, Susan Rose. If I love the act of painting then it makes it easy to agree with you... and that is what I find disturbing. I cannot connect the cause. Prayers are constant and give me peace and then I go back to trying agin and we are off again.
DeleteI will try and discover if another area is causing the problem and I thank you for the prayers. Most welcome.
The silly thing is that before I read your blog the word in my mind was EXCEPTIONAL. I love this painting and I would dearly love to own it. I wouldn't worry about your block, with the economy and poor sales in the art world, it's difficult to believe in yourself. I'm having a horrible time with a submission and having to power through myself at the moment. Luckily tax time will be over soon and spring is here. Life will always change and it sounds like for you it will be a positive one.
ReplyDeleteHi Sea - If you had seen the wipers to get to this one you would have understood better what I mean. It is not a block as I have experienced those before. I cant wait to get to the easel. My experience with a block it was hard just getting to the easel. Now, I have to admit, my life has always had wipers, but not to this degree. What I am realizing as i am going though answering all these deeply felt comments is I am gradually starting to sort out some answers. I value your opinion of the painting and thanks you so much for taking the time to share with me.
DeleteI get it, Julie. It's the off again, on again bane of my painting life. I have always tried to work through it, but the last time, I took a break from painting altogether. 10 days with nothing more than a couple of drawings.
ReplyDeleteIt was like pressing reset. When I got back to the studio, I was energized and found that I'd stepped off the hamster wheel of repetitive errors and dumped a few bad habits of approach. I discovered that I'd fallen in love with painting again and entered a glorious honeymoon of experimentation and joyful creation.
Good luck, and I know you'll get your mojo working again.
Hi Ingrid - you are very encouraging. Maybe it is as easy as taking a break.
DeleteI enjoyed your wonderful way with words...stepped off the hamster wheel of repetitive errors!! Cleverly put.
You can bottle that enthusiasm and send me some please. Sounds magical.
Hi Julie.. Reflection #2 is beautiful. I esp like the fallen leaves.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered getting feedback from a trusted friend before you wipe off? It could be someone whose artistic opinion you really value and who would give you an honest critique. They might help you see something that you don't see(either good or bad). I experienced something similar to what you describe towards end of last year. Although I am nowhere close to your level.. so it was probably not the same... but I want to narrate my experience to you. I was feeling really stuck with my work. I was painting a lot but kept feeling that my work looked amateurish and had no clue why and how to fix it. So I sent out emails to couple of artists I admire for critiquing my work and one of them agreed and I had 2 critique sessions with him over skype. He pointed out that my value/colors etc were all good but my composition was lacking and there it was... the reason I was not happy with art. I have been trying ever since to improve my compositional skills... reading books/blogs(Have you read Stapleton Kearns blog?... it's been wonderful for me... http://stapletonkearns.blogspot.ca/). I still have a long long way to go with composition but atleast I know what to work towards.
Yes - I do have two excellent critique partners. They have totally agreed with my wipers. They understand and agree with my concern. It is like my brain switched off. When teaching I am fine. It is always to demonstrate a point or technique... it is only my own work that is the problem Is that weird or not?
DeleteI am really glad you followed the advice and improved your work and I know I always enjoy visiting your blog.
Stapleton is great, I agree. Hope others see your recommendations.
What great timing. I sent you a private message early yesterday whining about wanting to hang it up. What is the point of all of this, yada, yada, yada. I even wallowed in my sorrow by reading excerpts from books talking about the B.S. that occurs in the world of Art. Add to that the crap out there that folks think is original art. Only hours later, I got your post thru my e mail and it turns out you are feeling stuck (for use of a better word) and that there is a line to join this club. Misery loves company but not to stay in that rut but to remind ourselves that we really are not alone. So sweet Julie Ford Oliver..keep painting and don't forget Life is a dance between making things happen and letting things happen...so maybe for awhile you must just let things happen and go on blind faith... Look who is giving you advice..I myself am trying to get through each day wondering what the hell the point of it was up to this time...
ReplyDeleteHi Polly - it must be the universe...so many of us spending time in the RUT!
DeleteI am letting things happen because it is the only thing I can do, but this talking it out with some many has really started to solidify what could be happening to me. I like your expression about Life being a dance...
Hope you read thru all the comments and learn like I am doing that you and I are not alone in the Rut.
Thanks so much Polly - I am sending a hug for a better day tomorrow.
I can say that after each transit of my daughter and my granddaughters, it breaks my creative flow. After it is not easy to get back to painting with ease.
ReplyDeleteIt always happens and it happened for years ... so I understand that every difficult time for creativity, is also because a month without taking the brushes, it happens that I have changed something, but not having the colors and brushes in hand, the change has not been harmonized day by day ...it became a break.
To overcome these moments I study new projects and I paint without expecting much from myself. One of these days I painted listening to the rain and remembering the rain garden of my childhood. The result is not special, but I have had the pleasure of using colors, gestures ..so .I told myself my change.
Still some work to imagination and finally today I started with two projects that I think are valid already for the enthusiasm that I feel when I do.
I do not know what may have happened to you, dear Julie,to me that just happens to be a step slow life, with painting and Danilo who is often away on business ... to a life too full and dynamic, without moments of solitude and painting. ..in this enter and exit from such diverse situations, my way of being a painter is still traumatized.
After these traumas always happens a bit 'of growth ... that maybe changes were in the air, land on the surface to be painted.
This is my experience that I hope will be helpful for you to know.
Your painting is beautiful but if you feel not being a mirror of yourself, no matter how nice for those watching. I wish speedy recovery of painting that comes from your emotional world and that makes you completely satisfied. Sending warm hugs,Rita.
Hi dear Rita, I, too, experience the same thing after a vacation. I always expect it and have a pattern established which helps me get back into the groove. The advantage of it happening before. Same with a block. I know how to work through one because it has happened before.
DeleteI understand the diversity of your days and how it can effect your artistic soul. You recognize the growth from these experiences and I appreciate the reminder because I have too. I was frightened Rita because there is something different about this one. Maybe it is because I am older and things are not as easy. I have not considered that angle. Anyway, after reading what you say I am reminded that I have always emerged before intact and I will do again. I have read artists stories when they talk about a profound change in their art and maybe I am gearing up for one. I have to learn not to be scared and just go with the flow. Not easy for independent moi!
Sending a warm hug and grateful thanks.
Thanks for this post Julie, your post along with the valuable feed back from others made me calm down because I have been doing exactly this off late and it sometimes tires me out. Some where deep inside, the dissatisfaction overpowers everything else.But the positive side is that if not the end result, the process itself was a learning experience.
ReplyDeleteI like your viewpoint about transforming it into a growth/learning experience.
DeleteWhat I find amazing is how many of these fine artists I follow have had, or are now experiencing something similar. When you say "deep inside" I think that is so accurate. It is in my core I feel it.
So I thank you for offering words that matter, Padmaja, and I send wishes over the miles to beautiful India for many happy painting days.
OMG! Are you ever speaking to the choir!! Put it against the wall for a few days and look at it again, in the mean time paint something else. Best advice I've ever received is to just keep showing up, and work at it to please yourself.
ReplyDeleteI will add however that this image seems a little more literal than usual, if that helps.
Hi Roseanne - Your observation is dead on. It is more literal.
DeleteYou should have seen the tighter still wipe-offs.
I agree it is good advice to show up at the easel. I have loved that part.
Maybe I should paint something totally different but I have wanted to do the reflections for a few month now so I thought doing something I really related to would be good for me.I LOL at speaking to the chore. and so many have said not to wipe just put them away, I am going to do that.
Thanks a bunch!
Sometimes we think we're machines and that everything we create will turn out perfectly and when it doesn't we despair. Many comments reflect any number of reasons why you hit that wall of discontent with a painting and wiping it.
ReplyDeleteCommissions, deadlines, pressure, worry about other things, illness...the list goes on and on as to what affects production and quality. And of course our own inner critic that likes to niggle away.
The good part is that it does all come back and fall into place, but I know, its a horrid place to be. Other mediums, other activities, just sketching or reading helps distract and lead you down other paths sometimes.
Hello Jeanette,
ReplyDeleteWell, for sure the "machine" part resonates. I have very disciplined work habits. I have to or I would never get it all done, but I have always been that way so why would now be any different? I do think you are correct in your list of what effects production and quality.
I like your positive reasoning about it all comes back. Cant wait!
I am having a trip away for Easter and that will be a break.
Thanks for the visit and glad things are good for you.
Oh Geez, I thought I was the only one! All of these comments have helped me as much as I'm sure they've helped you. Your work is just beautiful, Julie, and any struggles you are having certainly doesn't show to the outside world. But I do appreciate your openness and honesty about your doubts. Wipe, wipe, and more wipe, until I question myself, my productivity, my creativity, etc. But you know that who you are at your core, and that wonderful creativity inside you, will come bursting forth again! And usually when you least expect it!
ReplyDeleteHi Laurie...welcome to the group! By now I am feeling relief that so many experienced artist journey through these dead moments, and that lets me know there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Your beautiful, joyful colors would never indicate you go through these type times. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI've had it several times and after the fog lifted I always had my biggest break throughs. You've been on my mind and hope everything is going OK. Know that your giving heart and your beautiful work is loved and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon - another great expression - after the fog lifted!
DeleteI am starting to comprehend that it is part of a process of growth. I am so grateful. I have tried painting with a different focus and expectation and the results were unexpected and far less stressful.
Thank you for being so kind.
I am a late responder here as you've gotten some wonderful feedback and it all sounds so familiar. Your description is what I call it when I go "blind" . I do want to paint, but can't 'see' what I'm doing. Sometimes it helps to visualize as close as possible, what I want the finished painting to look like. Value, color, focus, etc. Another way I work is to use a limited color scheme of just 2 or 3 colors or paint abstracts where I revel only in color. whatever your path, you will come out of it as we all do. Take care!
ReplyDeleteWhen I see your description right after Sharon's above, it really emphasizes
DeleteThe same happening - going blind/after the fog lifted. It is a "process".
I have really been helped by all the comments, suggestions and sharing. My mind is certainly in a better place about it.
Limited palette for sure. Thank you! Switched media. Taking a break. I am certainly trying all the suggestions. I don't think I will be out of the gate running, but I am no longer scared and am eternally grateful for the warm hearted group of artists like you Mary, who cared enough to contact and share. Blessings, and thank you.
I really enjoyed all the replies here. I don't think there are any artists who haven't had a "weird" time where the paintings don't match the vision. By the way...I love the reflection painting and certainly no one would know that it was a challenge for you if you hadn't said so. For myself I take off time if I want and I have learned to not apologize about it (to myself or anyone else). I'm not quite sure why artists are so universally hard on themselves. Claude Monet apparently once said "All my life, I have been a failure". Whaaa???? For real. The only real answer is perhaps to become a "normal" and not be a painter. I doubt you are going to ever do that! What I've done lately when I haven't felt like painting is to simply draw. I like drawing in my sketchbook and it's less "weighty" than painting. Many of the same attributes of painting...but less of a big deal. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Celeste. I agree with a lot of what you said and I have known for many years that the "creative" person has their ups and downs. Have experienced them myself, but I did not think this painting was a bad painting - just that it wasn't anything I could have a sense of response to. Difficult to explain but it has been different than anything before. It has helped reading the all the responses and I have already started to try some of the things suggested. I draw a lot anyway and it is easy to continue. I like the way you put it - less weighty!"
ReplyDeleteDid Monet REALLY say that? It shows the universal struggle of the creative heart is part of a natural progression. He certainly knew he was successful in his later years.
I guess he meant it was at managing to paint what he knew he was capable of because I remember him also saying - never to paint until you saw it clearly in your head and also the design and method. Words to that effect.
Thanks for the visit, Celeste.
Hi Julie: you are probably out of the fog by now, but I have really appreciated the comments offered here in love. Personally, I found the pressure of blogging and teaching really got in the way of my love of painting. I loved teaching, and it is only after stopping doing so much teaching, that I have begun to find my 'voice' again. I also stopped posting so much (went to the 'per click' payment plan at DP, so that the pressure of the expense wasn't adding needless pressure). I feel FREE now, to paint and not to paint. The 'machine' comments are very valid, we do tend to get stuck on the 'produce and sell' wheel. I loved that you were totally honest about your situation, and by the response, I would say good for you. We need more transparency and sharing to help each other see our way through this crazy life we have chosen. I totally get it that you are painting good paintings that are lacking the heart you wish was there. In the end it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!
ReplyDeleteI just listened to an interview with artist Virginia Cobb on the Creative Catalyst site that was very enlightening -see if you can give it a listen!
Sharon. You gave me much food for thought here. I love your honest and willingness to share. I understand the "pressure" you express so well but I do take time off when it gets too much. I expect to have pressure and with the teaching I do it is a busy schedule, but worthwhile as it feeds me emotionally. I think my years as an illustrator prepared me for constant pressure to wind up my arm every day and produce no matter what and yes...you are correct, heartfelt moments are saved for my nest paintings and watercolors which I do not even try to sell. I think I balance it out. This time it is different. Like I forget how to paint.
DeleteThanks for the recommendation to listen to V Cobb. LOVED IT!
Julie, I've been thinking about this post for over a month. I can identify with your bewilderment. I've had an identity crisis about my art and my abilities for several years now. It's been a struggle to work through most pieces, although, thankfully, there have been a few that brought me much joy to paint. But many pieces not only did not bring me joy or even satisfaction, but rather left me shaken to the core, questioning my abilities. These struggles, as hard as they are, do raise viable questions. I don't have the answers yet but, some days, I do have hope that there will be good from all this heartache.
ReplyDeleteIt does not show through in your amazing work, Diana, honest!
DeleteFrom all the sharing by so many fellow artists, I see a common struggle.
This was not a block we discussed this was something at our very core.
Most people who use hand, mind, eye coordination seem to experience
a similar problem. Look at Tiger Woods for example. It goes beyond the physical doesn't it. I am not going into the artist greats who have struggled but the stories are there. Mine was more of a physical as well as a mental...but which came first?
A genuine big thanks for sharing, Diana.
Just linked in from Lynne hoppe's blog. I have been feeling the very same for about a month and am on the brink of posting pics of my 'failed' work lately, or at least the process of the different stages the work - and I - go through. So I really appreciate your post!
ReplyDeleteYes - we all do go through the different stages. Glad you came bu and cant wait to see what you post.
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